Friday, January 25, 2008

I can't imagine why Robert Nozick never addressed these key issues

Man, when it’s not the demon spiders, it’s shit like this. I had two extremely vivid dreams last night.

In the first one, my house was being assailed by what I can only describe as “scorpion men.” Bipedal, more or less human features, but with hard and chtin-like skin. They had enormous stinger tails, and people stung by them turned into scorpion men too. There were a bunch of guys I had never seen before in the house with me, and they all ended up becoming scorpion men, at which point they turned on each other. They never went after me, for some reason; apparently I wasn’t deemed worthy of scorpion man-dom.

In the second dream, I was at a giant racetrack. All the presidential candidates of both parties were driving big, supercharged go carts around the track to determine who would become President. The dream included a bizarrely detailed explanation of how the starting positions of the racers was determined by the number of primaries each candidate had won, or something like that.

This raises some important questions, both personal and political.

1. What deep truths about my psyche does my “scorpion men” dream reveal? Does the apparent refusal of the scorpion men to assimilate me into their species stem from being ostracized by my peers when I was a child? Or was it, perhaps, a precognitive dream? In that case, what steps can we take to prepare society for the horrors of a scorpion man invasion? In what ways, if any, would a libertarian society be better equipped to battle the scorpion men than the government we have now?

2. Would replacing the Electoral College with a go cart race- and, possibly, replacing the entire system of representative governement with government officials selected by go cart racing- improve or degrade the quality of American governance? Would an anarchocapitalist system of competing defense and insurance agencies be more viable if go cart racing was used to mediate disputes between private defense firms?

3. Would your answers to any of the questions in part 2 change if, instead of human legislators, the government consisted of scorpion men (and scorpion women)?

4. Who would win in a fight between Spider-Man and a scorpion man? If the former, how many scorpion men would it take to bring Spidey down?

5. Bonus question for paleolibertarians: Should a peaceful scorpion man (assuming such creatures exist) be permitted to cross international boundaries in search of work?

If only Murray Rothbard had done more LSD, we’d already have some useful insights into this.

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